Conan the Librarian (cruelly_kind) wrote in ask_uncle_perv,
Conan the Librarian

New Advice Column

Ask Uncle Perv all your lovelife questions! Safe sex? Legal problems? The sicker it is, the more we can help!
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dirty old men


July 1 2003, 18:46:41 UTC 13 years ago

Dear Uncle Perv
i am a slim and pretty 26 year old girl from the UK and i want to know if it is normal for girls like me to prefer older men, men over 50 and as old as 80, am i alone or do other girls feel the same.
My dear,

This is very for a girl your age, especially in the UK.

Have you a younger sister, by any chance?
Dear Uncle Perv:

Perhaps you can help. I am a 25 year old female, who has been in my present polyamorous (one boyfriend, and one girlfriend) relationship for about a year and a half. Most of my sexual relationships before this one made at least occasional use of BDSM play, which I very much enjoy. I have done my utmost to express how I like to "play" to both of my partners, neither of whom are interested in such. I do not want to make either of them uncomfortable, but my own level of pleasure in sex is suffering as a result. What to do, beyond swingers clubs (which do not exist, so far as I can find, in my area?)

Have you thought of placing a personals ad on either or Both are good ways to meet people. Obviously, you need to be careful about meeting strangers, but that applies no matter how you find them.

Damn. I just gave a serious answer! I must be slipping.


September 18 2003, 21:05:57 UTC 13 years ago

Dear Uncle Perv,

I think...

...and it scares the boys away. This wasn't a problem except that I keep breaking all the men I meet and the bendy boys run away.

Confused and Pondering


September 18 2003, 21:09:18 UTC 13 years ago

Dear Uncy P

I'd like to say I slipped and fell on it...but...well...we all know I didn't. The only problem now is I can't get it out!!!
I tried to put one in the hole next to it but that got stuck too. I can't sit down or stand up and every time I lie down I have to touch myself and it feels real good but I'm not getting anything done...
Any clues?
I'm sorry, dear. I must be having one of those days. Where's the problem part?


September 18 2003, 21:40:44 UTC 13 years ago

The problem is..quite clearly...I have nothing in my mouth.
whenever someone shoves their fist in my ass, it bleeds. Is there anything I can do to stop that?


November 29 2003, 09:56:57 UTC 13 years ago

Please give me an a)honest and b)serious answer, OK? Good.

I'm 16. I have this thing for a guy in a band who is at least 20 years older than me. But I find him sexy, even though he's not what 99% of people would call sexy. Justin Timberlake? Eeewww! Anyway, I have a weird taste in guys. I find guys who most would find 'acceptable' or bordering on 'acceptable-ugly' very attractive. I have never had a boyfriend (I'm shy around boys) but I have these fantasies about bondage and S&M and things like that...should I be like this at my age? I feel like a freak.

the good news is that you are open to non-traditional things and attracted to more than just pretty boys.

also good is that your inexperience and shyness will be completely overcome by a man that old. it will make you very attractive to him.

bad news is you HAVE to be very mature and discerning about his character. attraction can be misleading, and you will make an easy target for manipulation.